Sorry about the sentimental/lame tl;dr journal, if you do manage to read through it all, I thank you 83 If you've been hearing about my past already, which is possible, then you can just skip that part xD

Anyway, let's get started:

Today it's six months since I started out here, and in that time, I've earned a lot of friends here that I cannot survive without It's been six months of both awesome fun, but also a few really sad moments, however, their impact have been lightened due to the much appreciated support of my new friends :3

I feel it fits into this journal to tell the reason why I started here and why I value some of you like really, really rare gems (which is quite an appropriate metaphor too xD;;;; )
In case I've told you this story already, you might as well just skip it and head to the next paragraph



(Warning, possible self-pitying moments ahead!)
I started out in January after 2 1/2 years in high school (which I've referred to as college in the past, the education-system is different here) because I was depressed; I felt ignored, I felt as if everyone I knew couldn't care less about me, and I felt as if everyone would be better off if I didn't exist, I had recently taken up drawing again in December and started to design my own fantasy world in an possible attempt to escape reality, I was, to put it bluntly, tired of life...

Before the years in high school, I was in the worst possible class in elementary and junior high school, the worst 9 years of my childhood life, so if you haven't heard this story before, that is the explanation to my really paranoid and shy behaviour. Of course, I had a few good friends, which gave me something to live for after all, though, from then and to today, the distance gap between us has just increased so I barely have any contact with them anymore..

The friends I had in the first two years of high school all moved out of the dorm (without telling me in advance, so that explains why I felt ignored, people constantly avoid telling me things like this...) and during the third and last year, most people who moved in were either people I disliked who came from my old school, or people I didn't know, and of course, the people I disliked planted really negative perspectives of me into the heads of the people I've never met before, which ended up with me locking myself in my room almost everyday, my depression got worse, and I started skipping, because I couldn't be bothered getting up in the morning because I didn't think anybody could care less.. Still, I feel like I'm being used by people I know in real life, and that I am just a burden to most..
Self-pity moment over, go over to the increasingly happier part below x3 This is supposed to be a happy journal!

But then... I found NDA and DeviantArt, I tried to approach people in the most polite fashion I could, trying not to appear to clingy (which I failed to do, I guess x3). After getting to know some of you guys through conversations on MSN, I've been frequently surprised how similar I am to many of you, so my depressions have considerably gone down, I feel I have a place with people who I can call real friends, you guys have not judged me because of my appearance, but instead accepted me for my personality, and our common interests (which is a welcome change)

You all gave me a reason to live again, I'll go to a new school on the art course, and do what I can to evolve my abilities. Back in December, I started to draw again just to do something, while waiting for my last ounce of care for anything to run out... then I found you guys and you have fuelled me to try to go after a dream as a concept artist! 8D

I dunno what I'd do without you guys... I've realized it's all of you who give me any reason to keep going, and for that, I can't thank you enough.. I really, really need you all, both as art colleagues and as good friends. I don't feel used, I feel respected and I feel I can trust you all, which I really do
I don't demand anything, except that I don't want to be tossed aside as a torn piece of clothing... That, or losing you all in any other way, would destroy me...

But, after six months with both a lot of good moments, and a few bad ones, through which I've gotten relentless support from you guys, I don't think I should fear getting tossed aside, as I hope you count me as much as a good friend as I count you guys as good friends :3

Personally, I count you guys, my online friends, as the best friends I have now, and anyone who can't understand that... Accept it! I feel you guys are much, much more real friends than anyone I know in person, as I seemingly have more in common with you guys and thus feel more like I can relate to you.


The people I especially feel deserves a major thanks is each and every one of these people, for allowing a broken soul and social wreck like me into their already established friendships and circles;






If you should feel left out, don't fret, I appreciate everything you've done, and for that you certainly deserve a thanks as well :3 Though a certain few mean more than the world to me (they know who they are) and I think I can say: I hope I can call you guys friends for life 83 You know you can count me as one, if you want to :3

So I extend all my possible love and compassion to you guys, after a life of lots of mockery, humiliation and shit-flinging, I finally have found a community with people I can really relate to, and accept me for who I am, and doesn't try to change me... you guys are better friends than I could ever hope getting :'D

Final Word: Much love to everyone, thanks for everything so far, and I look forward to years of fun with you all! And thanks for putting a lot of brightness in my life!!! <3333333333
83 *Offers hugs to everyone*

________________________Friends_________________________


___Clubs___



Need More People!

And More Factories!

And Better Roads!